things

As Neil and I prepare to get married, we keep getting asked: “what can we get you?” I have been really convicted that we are called to a life of possessing nothing. Not that we don’t need food, shelter, clothing... but to live as though things are not ours... and rather live with Christ “Reigning in us”. This has been on my heart for a long time… but I find myself pushing it into the back of my brain to deal with later. But lately God has been flashing it in my face wherever I turn. I’ve been reading from Tozer’s book, “The Pursuit of God” (you should read it), and he speaks of the blessedness of possessing nothing.– In the inside of man is a shrine where none but God is worthy to come – things are external to man, a thousand gifts which God showered upon us – our woes begin when God is forced out of his shrine and “things” are allowed to enter – men have then by nature no peace within their hearts – for God is no longer crowned there and things fight among themselves for first place on the throne – things grow roots into our hearts and become necessary to us, a development never originally intended. God’s gifts now take the place of God. I’m stoked to get wedding gifts but it scares me because I know that if I get a load of “things” they will grow roots into my heart and convince me I can’t live without them. The more I think about this the more it has shown up everywhere I look, in my own life and in my Christian community. We live in such a SICKENINGLY possessive society. When did “borrowing” things become obsolete? How many stupid gadgets do we own that we only use once in a while. If neighbours borrowed from each other more often think how much less one would have to own. It’s pretty ridiculous how reluctant people are to lend things out or borrow. Why don’t we separate ourselves from the trend of “needing” the latest ________ and the new _____ and all those THINGS. There is an unspoken rule that to be accepted in the western world “class” you must have A and B and C etc. because they are NEEDS. We do nothing against living excessive lives. “If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.” The rich man couldn’t do that. He was too attached to his stuff. I DON’T want to be in his place. We tolerate the enemy of self-life and its chief characteristic is possessiveness - “gain” “profit” – “My and Mine”. “Blessed are the poor in spirit” – they are no longer slaves to the tyranny of “things” – “theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”

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words of wisdom from Oma

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My Norwegian Grandma was quite the writer. I just had the privilege of reading one of her diary entries. She was so young but so mature. In one of the entries she told about the day my grandpa asked her to marry him, she was 15. The war in Germany had just ended. When they decided to get married they knew that life would be tough. Her and my Opa had absolutely nothing to begin with. They started out living in a single room, separated from their neighbours only by a hanging curtain, amid the ruins of Cologne. Yet she said she never regretted her choice to get married anyway. Here’s something she wrote (translated from German): “Shared sorrows are half the sorrow and shared joys are double the joy.” – I love that, it’s so true.

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fog

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Surrender

This month has been a painful and humbling journey for me but now looking back I can't stop praising God for it. I need to write it down.
I spent the last few weeks feeling stuck under a sea of fog… it was weighing down on me till I felt I couldn’t go on anymore. I couldn’t understand it. I was crying out to God but I couldn’t seem to get out. Last year was such a high point in my journey with Christ. Daily He showed me something new about Himself and I felt Him walking by my side into school… at work… at home. Everywhere I looked I could see His beautiful fingerprints.
Then at the beginning of this year… the fog set in. I was at a place where I’d begun to think I could see the puzzle of my life come together the way I had hoped it would. Everything seemed to be falling into place. Suddenly my ideal design started to fall apart. I couldn’t imagine why God was pulling out the one piece that seemed to fit so perfectly… the one I cared most about. I just wanted to scream: “No leave it! Don’t take that…. That belongs.” I wanted to hang on to it with all my might. I cried to God… begging Him to take anything away except that. I felt so broken… I just wanted to complain to Him… so, that’s how I came to be stuck in the fog. But what an awesome God we have… He’s promised never to leave us in that place. Days went by and I couldn’t handle being in that gloom anymore… I just cried out to God. At first I thought he was being silent… the only thing that had really jumped out at me, while reading my bible, were these words, in Psalm 119: “With my whole heart” It repeats them over and over. (With my whole heart….will I serve You, seek You, call on You). Then in Proverbs 23:26 it says: “My son, give me your heart.” I finally realize God was asking me to fully surrender that piece I loved to Him. He wanted to have my whole heart. God deserves the first place in our hearts. In my head I’d said: ‘It’s all Yours God’… but inside I wasn’t totally willing to surrender that piece of my life. I was reminded of Abraham… when God asked him to put his son on the altar. I really didn’t want to do that. It was so hard… but I knew I would never get out of the fog doing things my way…I wanted to follow Christ whatever the cost… so I asked God to take over. When I honestly gave that piece of my life to Him… it was like I had wings again… all the weight of the fog was gone and my worried tormented heart was so restful. I wanted to sing at the top of my lungs…. to know I belong to Christ and He is mine… truly is more than enough for me.
Funny… the fog was also very literal… all of Vancouver has been in this gray damp mist for days… it’s still outside my window even now. It doesn’t matter anymore if it’s foggy… I know that whether I can see or not makes no difference… because I don’t have to put the pieces together… my life is in Gods hands.
But that’s not how the story ends… I still can hardly believe what has happened… After giving God the first place in my heart and in every part of my life, as he should have had all along… he surprised me by placing that piece back into my puzzle… this time where He wanted it. I am still speechless!!!


Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

bursting the seams

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I was chatting with Neil on the phone the other day and he shared some things God had been doing a way out in Saskatoon.... another friend in Germany also shared a sweet story.... and I'd seen God healing the heart of a friend here in Ladner.... What an Awesome God we have.... HE LIVES and is unchanging and reaches every end of the earth! Eph. 1:23.... He 'who fills all in all'. Sometimes I feel like I can't keep it inside anymore.

the bombarded brain

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At school the other day I just felt like my brain was under attack. So I started this doodle. It seems the school system tries to get rid of any values a student might have. We are constantly being injected with thoughts and ideas. If you enter university defenceless and alone… you don’t stand a chance under the shower of bullets. It’s as though your brain sits in the middle of a field, totally unprotected, in-between a crossfire of ideas. That brain is not coming out unaffected. I've just been thinking how important it is to constantly be refilling our minds with God's thoughts. That's mostly what the doodle is about. It was so encouraging to read: “Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armour of God so that you can take your stand.” Eph. 6:10-11

wind

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This is a quick doodle, I was looking out of my window on a stormy day. I just love wind. It's so powerful but invisible.